Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
