Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
