i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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