the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
