as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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