never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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