I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
