I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
