Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
