If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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