He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
