TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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