This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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