Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
