Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We have so much sex to catch up on
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
