Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
