I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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