hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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