Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
