wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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