Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
