Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
