Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
