This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Ladies don't puke and tell
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
