I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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