Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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