I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
