Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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