Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
