so explain again why im purple
no
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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