Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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