I'm eating all of the evidence.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
