All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
