i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
