I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
