pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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