forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
