I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Too much gin, very little bucket
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
not ubering you a puppy
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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