Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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