he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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