If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
