So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
