He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
