oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
