you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
