he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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