I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
