You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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