I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
