... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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