i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
