If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
