It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
