Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
