I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
