just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You can't just leave with hair like that
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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