who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
