I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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