smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
