I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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