You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
