I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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