How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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