This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
