I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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