his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
