I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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