How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
