i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize