I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize