ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
