do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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