You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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