Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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