Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
soo... how was my night?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
