Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
