Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize