How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
