she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
