Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
